3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
