I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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