I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
