I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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