matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
