Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
