We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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