I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
