At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
