Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The struggles of a small town man whore
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
