is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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