Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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