xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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