what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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