i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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