I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
