oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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