A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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