I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
