I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
