In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
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Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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