if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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