he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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