Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I have post one night stand depression
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
