how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
