I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
