To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
