remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
