I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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