Girls should come with a carfax report
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
