took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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