I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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