I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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