Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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