he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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