No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You have to summon your inner elephant
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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