He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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