I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
