I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
