No, you can still breathe under the balls.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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