their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
