Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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