i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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