if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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