i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
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