if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
