They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well I just put wine in my tea
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
