i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
