Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
