I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
