ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
