if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
