Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
