i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
