i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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