we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If I die, sorry about rent.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
