i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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