At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
whose parrot is this?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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