My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
