my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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