my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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