dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
