sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
