yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.