new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....