party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.