i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
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We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you