I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
