i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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