i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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