Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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