Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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