i jhust puked up my retainher.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
