he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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