Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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