Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
