There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
