I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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