Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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