I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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