you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
