Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
