forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
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Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
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Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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