cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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