Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
